i went to mumbai today. with dad.it was really unexpected, and its gonna mess up my schedule, but still,i feel better that i went. aaji had one of her relapses again yesterday. i was thinking about this today in the car. i think ppl shouldn't grow old. there's the whole physical and other problems that crop up, but i think people just grow less...innocent as they grow. not just people of my age, who are supposed to be 'adult' now but in the sense that ppl just progressively go from bad to worse. its strange but i get this feelin a lot of times nowadays.its this wistful feeling which is warm at the same time,and which makes me feel desperately lonely and reinforces my belief that i'm alone here after all. there were times when i thought maybe not, but that's not so true. i just find myself wishing i could go back to those days nowadays. the days from when i was about 10-13 and maybe my 12th standard. mauybe things would be simpler then. i was reading atlas shrugged today in the car and i was so one with the spirit of the book when i read about rearden's trial and when dagny gets into atlantis. i want to lead that kind of life, so badly. the other day i was doing this problem from Miii and i got so engrossed i didn't see dad right beside me( and almost spilt my glass of tang when i did). its like waking up from a deep deep sleep. this result has made me grow up all of a sudden. i think i've been running away from who i am and what i wanted to be for the past two years and i suddenly saw a mirror right in front of me -just when i thought i'd hidden myself thoroughly too!! its a weird feeling. its lively and strange and terrifying at the same time. i think i'm geeing religion for the first time in my life.-no the second-the first was when i looked up from a game of tag and saw the darkest dusky pair of eyes staring down at me.was that really a decade ago?